The Art of Removing Toxic People from Your Life! Enhanced Wellness, enhanced living.
Arshi Tahir
January 9, 2025. 4 minute Read
By 2030, about 45% of women will choose to be single, and 63% of men wish the same.Â
Some credit this to the current dating scenario, while others attribute it to toxic relationships. While the stats are staggering, they offer insight into the ‘Pandora’s box’ of this problem that we might need to examine at ‘THE ONE LINER.’
For instance, have you ever considered a possibility where your ‘inner compass of instincts’ could save you from a great deal of heartbreak? Or at least help you better navigate the initial waters when hunting for a partner.Â
So, here is the deal.
Learn how to recognize harmful relationships that affect you before you finally find ‘the one.’ Also, decide how often you are willing to break your heart before you know who the right person is.
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In this article, we delve into all such modern-day questions and much more so that you are well-equipped to set boundaries and establish patterns when dealing with a relationship.
Identifying and Understanding Toxic Behavior
Most researchers agree that it is almost impossible to identify a toxic behavior at the start. This could be your neighbor, colleague, or even a parent, as deception is their game-play. The good news is that with a little bit of awareness, you can recognize certain traits of toxicity when dealing with a relationship. Here are a few tell-tale signs you can watch out for when trying to identify one:
- A constant feeling of being manipulated
- Confusing behavior of the person.
- You are always in a defensive mode with the person.
- A feeling of unease when around certain people.
- An inner ‘bad feeling’ for yourself when around certain people.
- Waiting for an apology that never comes.
How to Recognize the Negative Impact of Toxic Behavior on Yourself?
Checklist below!
- Negative Relationship/ Harmful Relationship/ Toxic family member/ Stressful relationship
Both conflict and lack of support, often becomes a breeding ground of toxic behavior.
- Emotional Abuse
Victims of emotional abuse often compromise self-esteem and distort their perception, treating toxic behavior as a norm.
- Mental health impact
Anxiety, stress, PTSD, and Panic attacks are some of the symptoms that have grown to become a ‘second nature’ to you.Â
- Draining relationships
Draining relationships often feels exhausting, overwhelmed, or drained at the end of the day. These individuals end up adopting various unhealthy coping mechanisms, or lead to negative mirror interactions, hence toxic behavior.
- Manipulative behavior
You know manipulative behavior but do not wish to ‘break the chain’ as being manipulated is the only way you feel validated.
- Controlling behavior
Most victims entertain controlling behavior as they do not know how to function independently otherwise.
- Narcissistic abuse
Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse. Narcissists are controlling and manipulative, in general. If you are in a ‘Narcissistic relationship,’ and the resulting abuse is just a way of life for you.
- Psychological manipulation
You lose your sense of self, identity, and personality due to psychological manipulations through toxic relationships. Now, you are only a ‘shell’ of the personality you would otherwise be.
How to Deal With Toxic People?
Focusing on the Action of Removal/Separation
All has not ended.Â
The good news is that there is a lot more power within you than you care to credit yourself with. After you have recognized the signs, symptoms, and traits of the toxic behaviors, it is time to rescue yourself from it.Â
Listed below are few prime pointers on how to do so:
1. Cut ties
How do you deal with this emotionally?
Take it easy! Learning to validate your feelings and emotions and acceptance is key here. Journaling is another effective way to manage yourself emotionally when trying to cut ties with a close one.
2. Set boundaries
Start by setting your boundaries right.
But what are those boundaries?
Well, this starts with the word ‘NO’. Learn to say no to things and conversations you are not comfortable with.
How do you deal with this emotionally?
One can do this by practicing self-compassion and expecting strong resistance initially. And here is how, you can deal things emotionally:
- Be firm
- Know your mind
- Be polite yet stiff
- Become a broken record; repeat the message if you have to
- Do not entertain lousy behavior.
- Do not take responsibility for something you have not done.
- Stop being a victim all the time.
- Minimize your conversations.
- Stick to the point; stay polite in doing so.
- Stay brief in your communications; you do not have to eat junk just because you are hungry.
3. Distance yourself:
Distancing yourself from toxicity in all forms, also includes being mindful of your emotional and mental spaces. Discover your happy place within yourself. Not all toxicity needs to be absorbed; learn to screen it off.
How do you deal with this emotionally?
As a ‘spectator’, simply watch the entire drama as it unfolds as the ‘third person.’ You might even find it quite entertaining.Â
Some studies suggest that the human body develops ‘responses’ that are visible when dealing with toxic behavior over time. Hence, it is advised to practice distancing yourself once you recognize the pattern.
4. Detach from toxic people
This implies not investing yourself emotionally into toxic relationships. Here, slowly and steadily, learn to ‘detach’ yourself.
How can this be achieved emotionally?
You could start by minimizing involvement, reducing your reactions, and not investing your energies in them (toxic individuals) at all. This action will offer you control over yourself and get your sanity back.
5. Limit contact
Limiting contact is vital if you cannot walk away from a specific relationship.
How can this be done emotionally?
Talk if and when necessary; maintain communication through a reliable third party if you are in a legal battle with a toxic spouse, or do this through emails only. Get judicial support if you have to deal with such soul-suckers who can easily manipulate you.
6. End Relationships
As stated earlier, end those relationships that are ‘leaching into your soul,’ even if they are your closest one. Such people are not entirely human; hence, you do not have to honor their relationship ties.
How do you do this emotionally?
Bring an end to such relationships either systematically or immediately. However, a smooth strategic exit on your part is recommended.
7. Learn to Disengage
Sometimes, these ‘energy vampires’ pull down the ‘Rabbit hole’ of endless arguments. This leaves you feeling exhausted because it was intended to do so. Toxic people design their conversations to be directed toward arguments, only to leave you drained and lifeless at the end of it( if at all). You will find yourself spiraling into endless topics and sub-topics while defending yourself in doing so.
How do you do this emotionally?
Disengagement is the key here. Recognize the ‘Rabbit hole’ before being thrown into it, and guard your balance. Stop replying or go mono-syllable. Offer one-word answers if necessary, and repeat your answers when needed.
8. Breaking free from shackles
Now, it is time to let yourself go. Break free from the shackles of your own making. You are not as hopeless and trapped as you are made to believe. There are innumerable ways to find your exit.
How do you do this emotionally?
Set yourself free in your mind, body, and soul.
9. Walk away, if necessary!
Walk away from a conversation if you know it is headed towards doom. You do not have to tolerate bad behavior just because you are somehow related to this person.
How do you do this emotionally?
Learn to walk away from abuse, foul language, or cynical remarks. You do not have to tolerate this within your physical and emotional vicinity.
10. Practice No contact rule
According to experts, the ultimate step in your healing journey is to go no-contact. After you have implemented all your strategies and removed yourself emotionally and physically to a safe place, it is now time to go no-contact.
How do you do this emotionally?
Break ties, block their calls, and seek legal support if you need.
Positive Outcomes/Reasons Once You Cut Off From Toxic Relationships
Is it worth it?
Seeking Validation and Support!
You are worth every bit of sanity and peace.
Remember! The cycle of toxicity and harmful behaviors is a part of life that quite a few people have had to deal with. The best part is that you can ‘break free’ and are not alone.Â
Here is how:
1. Self-care is not selfish
Taking charge of yourself is self-care. No apologies here.
Here is all you need to do:
- Identifying your needs: Understand your needs and what your body is trying to tell you.
- Mindfulness: Practice some simple mindful activities that will help you tune in with yourself. Indulge in Yoga, deep breathing, or simply taking a nice long walk in nature. Whatever you do, be sure to be consistent.
2. Focus on Your Mental well-being
Your mind has been shattered to pieces. Time for a puzzle! However, this has to be slow and steady:
Here is all you need to do:
- Un-F—– K Your Mind: Stop programming that negative narrative into you from the start. It is not your voice running through your mind. Create positive self-talk and feed your mind with positive affirmations. Be your parent and treat your mind like a small, vulnerable child.
- Focus: Do you constantly find yourself drifting into an elusive fantasyland? Bring your mind back to the present and learn to focus on the present moment. This is tough, but you are not alone. Do it as often as possible, and remember to take control of your mind like a boss.
3. Emotional health
Emotional self-regulation is important when self-healing.Â
This can be done by:
- Releasing trapped Emotions
If you are suffering from a stiff shoulder or a back pain that does not heal? Don’t be surprised to discover these are signs of trapped emotions within your physical self. It is the body’s way of protecting you from further damage. Indulge in fun activities like dancing or mindful exercises to get in sync with your inner emotions and set them free.
- Emote Healthy
Cry it out if you have to. Join a support group or visit a friend or a relative you trust. Do not share with the world; share with the proper and trusted channels.
4. Focus on Personal growth
This is another crucial aspect of self-healing. Release your inner child and allow it to grow.Â
Here is how to do this:
- Learn a skill: Take up some classes that you know will develop your skills as an individual. It could be a simple baking or pottery class, but do so and learn through the experience. Have a creative outlet for your trapped emotions; you will be surprised by the results.
- Take responsibility: Learn to recognize the adult you are. You were dependent all this time and need to be an adult now. Take responsibility with confidence, and do not display your fears and emotions where you do not have to.
5. Improve mental health
The next step is to enhance your mental health.Â
For this, you can:
- Practice Meditation:
Meditation is a great way to enhance your mental health. It allows you to learn the power of your mind and the changes it can offer to your life.
- Mental Exercises:
Learn and practice mental exercises to sharpen your concentration and increase your focus. This activity will help declutter your mental space from all the junk accumulated by the toxicity of your previous relationships.Â
6. Reduce your stress levels
Release yourself from the shackles of mental stress. Subconsciously, you have been enveloped in stress.Â
All you need to do are:
- Practice Deep Breathing: Once stress starts to kick in, stay aware of your inner self and the need to practice deep breathing. A few gulps of fresh air can help you relax quickly.
- Adopt to Positive Body Language: it is time to release those stiff shoulders and straighten your spine. Stand tall and square up your shoulders. Maintain a tiny smile on your face and keep your face calm. Your positive body language will signal your mind that you are ‘safe’ and help you de-stress.
7. Find your peace
Find your peace, as it will not walk over to you.Â
You can do this by:
- Coming to terms with your life: It happens. It is life. Now move on, get a new one.
- Stop the Shame: You were shamed into believing something about yourself that was not true. Embrace yourself and stop allowing yourself to feel embarrassed for things that are not.
8. Creating healthy relationships
Life does not stop for anyone, and you are no exception. It is time to pick yourself up and give yourself another chance:
Here is what you need to do:
- Make New Friends: Break the cycle by making a new one. Get a new circle of friends and surprise yourself with how good you are at it.
- A New Relationship: If you find someone you can connect with, get into a new intimate relationship. You can always renew yourself in a brand new bond that allows you to grow and be healthy.
9. Protecting your energy
Protect your energy from the energy vampires. Yes, there are people around you who feed off your energy. Do not allow them to do so; simply stay guard.Â
Here is how you do this:
- Guard your energy level: A person's energy is what is contained within and needs to be protected at all times. Do not react and give in to the sucking strategy of such Energy-Vampires.
- Stay Positive: Do not succumb to the spiraling of negative self-thought. Give yourself a narrative and self-talk that can help you stay afloat.
10. Prioritizing your happiness
Happiness is a state of mind that you need to train your mind in.Â
Here is how you do this:
- Do what keeps you Happy—at least as long as it is legal! Do not allow people to trespass into your happiness. Some people are jealous of your happiness—as petty as it might sound, it is true. Stay guard, and do not allow people to snatch your smile.
- Find your Happy Place. It could be a place, a person, or an activity. Find it, keep it, and return to it every time. It could be where you find solace and offer the necessary balance.
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How to Deal With Any Type Of Toxic Relationship?
Once you are equipped with all the tools and know-how of a toxic relationship, it is time to put it into action. This is especially necessary when you cannot abandon a relationship at the present moment. Let us take a look at some of the ways to do this:
1. How to deal with toxic family Members?
- Love them, but restrict their involvement in your life.
- Detach emotionally; don't allow them to trigger you anymore.
- Maintain contact only when required, can be birthdays, or festivals.
- Do not expect ANYTHING from them. They are toxic; keep them as far from you as possible.
2. How To Deal With Toxic Friends?
Study shows that toxic friend are not your friends if they:
- Make fun of you publicly at your expense.
- Caring and sharing is only done by you.
- Push you to a corner where you are made to make choices you regret later.
- Do not expect ANYTHING from them. They are toxic; keep them as far from you as possible.
2. How To Deal With Toxic Friends?
Study shows that toxic friend are not your friends if they:
- Make fun of you publicly at your expense.
- Caring and sharing is only done by you.
- Push you to a corner where you are made to make choices you regret later.
- No apologies come your way whenever there is a dispute.
After you have detected the toxicity in your ‘friendship,’ it is time to distance yourself slowly from them and eventually break ties.
3. How To Deal with Toxic Romantic Partners?
In the quick-dating romantic scene of the current generation, love is widely exploited. Here are a few pointers on how to deal with a toxic romantic partner:
- Confide with a close confidant about your fears.
- Seek professional help if needed. This could be couple’s therapy.
- Seek legal help if it is a co-parent.
- Alert neighbors and family if it involves abuse and violence.
- Run! Far away!
4. How to deal With Toxic Colleagues or Bosses?
Various case studies have shown that while the intent of such leadership is somewhat less harmful, the behavior is more destructive.Â
Here is how to deal with a toxic leader or a co-worker:
- Have a close-knit circle within the workplace, as this offers support.
- Stay in touch with the ‘network’ so that you know what is going on. This gives you a heads-up for smear campaigns.
- Be sure to guard your work and keep it confidential so no one can grab your credit.
- Be public about your work but private about your results. Do not overshare your projects and progress.
- Switch jobs if they become too toxic to tolerate. There are plenty of opportunities out there. But do this in a guided and legal way so your future professional reputation cannot be sabotaged.
Final Thoughts
In a nutshell!
Rescue yourself through self-awareness and knowledge of your condition. Self-healing and addressing the cycle of toxicity surrounding you is vital to your personal growth. Be sure to give yourself time and love yourself as you embark on your journey of self-discovery.
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