Breakups are extremely hard on all of us, so we’ve brought you this article to help you how to deal with breakups.
In this article, we will make you understand how to move on, and live a great Life.
Love comes to us all as the first burst of spring season but when it goes down, it is like the rains in Mawsynram in Meghalaya. My point is that it will make you feel sick. Sometimes it is extremely hard. You feel like rain clouds have forever hidden your shine.
You will always get over it. That pain will stop.
dhyaayato vishayaanh pumsah sangasteshhupajaayate |
sangaath samjaayate kaamah kaamaath krodho abhijaayate || ॥
A quote from Bhagwat Gita.
“When a person dwells longingly on sense objects, an inclination towards them is generated. This inclination develops into desire and desire gives rise to anger.”
Translations itself is self-explainatory that which tells us to stay calm and composed in times of changes, accept and not to fight with them.
Yes, breakups are a part of learning about love. It is about understanding what happened, what went wrong, what you need, and what you could do better.
Breakups will happen more often when you are younger. You’ll see that in college years, breakups are more common. Why? Because it is a part of teenage love. Teenage love is temporary, you’ll rarely find the couples you know in your teens still together.
It is okay. They are normal.
Sadness is an emotion that makes you feel low and unenergetic. It makes everything around you uninteresting even if you used to find them exciting earlier.
Your heart is extremely involved in a relationship. You put your everything into it because that relationship or that person mattered to you so much. You had built a certain part of your life around them. They have been one of your many priorities in life. You would have put a lot of expectations out of it.
Hence, when that relationship breaks down, it takes with itself that whole aspect of your life.
Human psychology is built in a way that a certain aspect of similarity in everyday life is appreciated. Why? Because the brain is built to like repeating patterns. A certain routine.
You would have built a whole routine around your partner (now ex-partner), hence, that crack down of the routine causes disruption in your mind and creates chaos. Your brain will be in a confused state as to why suddenly this has changed.
When changes are gradual, it does not hurt much. For example, one couple in my college had gradually grown apart from each other after staying away for eight months. Hence, when they broke up, it did not hurt them much. They moved on easily.
But the same might not be the case. You would have suddenly broken up and hence it would hurt a lot more.
Break up has largely to be blame on human psychology that likes to hang on to relationships when they are closer and doesn’t let you go off easily.
If this pain is due to routines and psychology, why can’t I deal with it easily even after knowing it? Why can’t my brain just switch off that connection of relationship and understand that they are just gone from my life?
That’s because you are invested in it emotionally. When emotions are involved, you will find yourself struggling to keep it together. Brain can understand logic but emotion cannot.
For some time, your emotion has attached itself to a specific person and suddenly cutting it off causes pain. Emotions are complex. You had emotionally invested in your partner for quite some time. Emotions do not go away easily. Especially when it is coupled with emotional dependence.
You depended on them to express a lot of your emotions. Your happiness, your sadness, your anger, your love, your faith, your excitement, and so much more. In a way, your emotional mind had caught on to them like a creeper on a stick. Now that they have left, you feel hurt and there is a space of emptiness.
Is it possible to move one?
A hundred percent. You will surely move on from that heartbreak. If Deepika Padukone can move on from Ranbir Kapoor, you can do it too. It might hurt for a while but you will definitely move.
It might take a while and you will, at the highest point of the pain, think that you can’t do this. You will not find that painkiller for that heartbreak but trust me, you will heal.
Relationships are built and sometimes they will be broken but you will surely find happiness again. Clouds don’t stay in the sky forever. They might cover the sun for a while but they will eventually be blown away by the wind. Just like that, this pain of heartbreak might be there now and it might be making you feel sad but this pain too will be blown away by a whole new breeze of love.
Love is always right around the corner. You will find yourself surrounded by love only if you look.
Sometimes, breakups can take a toll on your mental health. Especially for those who are highly open in their emotional space.
You would have invited a person into your emotional space and slowly you would have found your comfort with them but when it breaks, you will find yourself struggling for that comfort again.
This is a time when you have to take care of yourself more. Reach out to your dear ones and ask them to take care of you. Don’t be shy to be taken care of.
Denial is your psyche’s way of protecting you from becoming emotionally overwhelmed. Denial is a useful coping mechanism, as long as it doesn’t keep you from progressing onto the next stage.
Cathy Meyer, a Nashville, Tennessee-based certified divorce coach.
In this phase people understand logically that the relationship is over, but they don’t want to believe it. They may hold out hope that things will still work out.
Anger at your ex is the next stage. You may be angry that your relationship was not able to recapture the happier state it had in the early days. You may be angry with friends and loved ones who don’t share or agree with your anger. You may be angry about circumstances that led to the split. Of this stage Meyer says, “Feel free to let out all the pent up anger you stuffed during the denial stage” as long as the venting isn’t done through violent acts or in a way that hurts yourself or others.
Bargaining involves looking for ways that the relationship could still be saved. “Bargaining is when you stop and say,
Oh dear, I can’t handle this emotionally. I’ll negotiate anything with him/her, I’ll turn myself inside out if need be, but I can’t go through this.’ It is an attempt to get your ‘life’ back.
The turmoil of breaking up can be so overwhelming that people may want to return to their earlier life, even if that life included abuse.
A lot of different feelings and behaviors can crop up during the depression phase. Hopelessness is a cornerstone of depression, and you may feel as though you will never move on. You may be tired, sad and disconnected from people. You may sleep or eat too little or too much. You may turn to alcohol or drugs. And you will likely believe that these feelings will never end. Remember to reach out to friends and siblings during this time.
In this phase, bit by bit, you can find yourself coming to terms with the end of the relationship. While you may still face sad feelings, you’ll start to move forward with your life.
The five stages of breakup are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You’ll move through these stages slowly and one by one. That is how you heal.
When you are struggling after a breakup, these are things you can do to take care of yourself,
Also try reading these books for dealing with breakups.
Breakups are hard and it might feel like this is the hardest thing you can go through but don’t worry. It will be fine and you’ll definitely get through it.
Like Dory from Finding Nemo says, “Just Keep Swimming… Just Keep Swimming.”